Dear Visitor,
I understand better than anybody that it is hard to believe that I have Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, and that it's even harder to understand.
More often than not I will wonder if this is really how it has to be. Me barely getting out of bed, being labled as disabled so we can park close in the handicapped spots and get wheelchairs when we go shopping.
Is it worth it? Is it worth it to give in and not be in pain ALL the time, or is the pain better if you can hang on to the semblemce of a normal life?
During my decision making I've done things, I've acted well. I've visited my friends in NY, and we wacthed movies. . .and I paid for it.
I visited my family and went to the beach & pretended I was happy with my life. . .and I paid for it.
I paid for it in pain, and I paid for it in doubt.
How can I do one thing and not another? How can I be well sometimes, and not always? How come those times when it's worse rather than better are during school hours?
Every question you've asked yourself, every doubt you've ever had, I've had the same one.
And I'm ashamed. I'm ashamed that part of the good days are because I want to be good. And I'm ashamed that my lies to protect you only led to doubts.
But more than anything, I'm ashamed that I let myself believe the lies you fed me.
I couldn't help it.
Just like I couldn't help getting sick, just like I couldn't help my good days and bad days. And I can't help how you see me.
That's why I made this site. For just a little while, but aside what you percieve to be true, put away your doubts, even if they are based on truth. But aside your anger and fear, and let in what I have to say. When you're done, make your decision, but only make it when you're done.
Thank you
Adrienne
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