Chronic Fatigue Syndrome
NOT EXACTLY EVEN

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WELL, WHAT IS CFS?
REALIZATION
CFS FUN FACTS
BANNER EXCHANGE
WATCHING
MY FIGHT WITH CFS
To You NORMALS
SOMETIMES THEY LISTEN
Psychological Aspects
DAILY LOG
FUNNY THOUGHTS ON CFS
A DAY IN MY LIFE
MY LIFE
UNFAIR
I'M TRYING!!
THANKSGIVING
Normal. . .Almost
Growing Up Is Hard Enough
SIMPLE TASKS
I'M SCARED
BELIEVE ME
COMFORTABLE
SWEET 16
NOT EXACTLY EVEN
CFS POETRY
MY FAVORITE CFS SITES and MY WEBRINGS
OK, DONE NOW
SITES I LIKE
NOTHING BETTER TO DO
POEMS I LIKE
QUOTES
CONTACT ME (adoptables cont.)

I am a person who will always work out what is exactly even in my head. And it's not something I really do on purpose, it's something I just DO.
I'll return a phone call, write back, or write, but then won't initiate conversation untill I feel like my work has been returned.
And it's not really a bad thing that I do. It's always OK. Everyone feels good. No one feels rejected and no one feels put upon. I like that,
Subconciously, over the past few years I've diveded everything up into exact files and categories.
Then I got CFS. At first I looked at it almost mathmatically, an hour of play means a hour of pain. And so I would have fun for an hour, not really caring about what my body would soon go through.
Then the "post exercise malayse" set in.
Oh my GOD, I don't know if I can find words to describe the pain-espically in the beginning.
After an hour of rollerblading, an activity that would leave me feeling stong and happy when I was well, suddely threw me into a tail spin.
For a few happy seconds as I took off my blades and wiped my brow, as I started changed my sweaty shirt, I would feel good. Then my head would start to throb, I had never experianced such intese pain. I felt like my head was going to explode.
And my chest hurt from panting. My body began to hum with pain, and my bones literally vibrated. Standing took so much energy I fell to the floor untill the world stopped spinning long enough for me to crawl helplessly to my bed and burrow under the covers.
Sweat poured out of me, and I felt myself getting a mild fever. Breathing became difficult, my throat was hoarse from the deep, ragged breaths I had to take. My stomach rolled over and I cursed the food I had eaten, I didn't know how much longer it would stay down.
Of course I didn't throw up. That might make me feel better, Heaven forbid. My midsection just rumbled for hours, making my torso sore.
And after a few minutes I could stand and walk steadily, but my knees still buckled and my hair was matted to my head and clinging to my neck.
I used my final bit of streangth to hit the fan swith to "on". But the white noise made the pounding in my head all the more intense. I didn't think I could move enough to hit it off.
I wasn't used to my body being like this, so out of control, so weak.
I still couldn't sleep from the fan, and while every atom in my bosy cried out in protest I cried.
My heart was beating so fast and furiously I thought it might stop for a break. I could feel the blood running through my tired veins and I almost willed it to stop. I HURT so badly.
This wasn't fair!! The rules I had spent so many years diligently following now made no sense. THIS for an hour?!?
No way.

Eventually I slept, not long, I woke up a lot and had nightmares so hours later when I finally coaxed myself out of bed I felt like I hadn't slept at all.
The next day the sharp pain was gone, but I still had a hoarse throat, and any, ANY excursion would cause my heart to pumb loudly.
This wasn't fair.
THIS for an hour?!?