One of the hardest parts of CFS is the psycholigical problems. What's very important to understand is: Chronic Fatigue Syndrome is NOT caused by psycholigical problems! However, depression, guilt, anger and other psychological problems are caused by CFS THIS IS ME!! I'm 16. Great age, the teenage moodiness is passing, but that never really got to me anyway. All my friends are getting their drivers license. But not me. I couldn't study for the test and memorize all that I need to with the brain fogginess. My friends don't understand, why can't you get your license? As soon as I turn 16, or when I did turn 16 I was at the DMV faster than you can say 'happy birthday.' "NO special reason" I say, biting back anger. "I will one of these days." The truth is I'm afraid I would have a *white out* behind the wheel. ( A white out is when you feel very dizzy and almost loose consciousness) And I need to drive about 100 hours. I could probably do 45 minutes on a good day and those aren't often. And if I did drive for the 45 minutes, I probably couldn't get out of bed the next day. Most of my family live in California. And I Love them so much, they're wonderful. But I couldn't go, even if I got the money together (which is hard, because I can't get a job- not even baby-sitting). Sometimes they come and visit me, but I feel like it's a waste. They're so wonderful, wanting so much for me to be able to come out and play, and I can't. Or I can, but then to make up for their doubts, I'll feign sickness and miss out on something fun. I'd rather do that then have them go home not believing me, or worse, let me down when I need them. I have the most wonderful friends, and I never see them. A sleep-over is SO out of the question. I went to my friends sleep-over birthday party once. I was hyper, but didn't spend the night. "Why couldn't you spend the night?" She later asked me "You looked fine all night!" She didn't know I went home and cried myself to sleep I hurt so bad, and spent the next day in bed. "Yea," I replied, what could I say? Let her believe I was a bad friend, I didn't want to spoil her memory of the party. Ever since we moved to Florida my dad has wanted us to buy a boat, but we all had to learn how to sail first. That never happened. There's the fear of a white-out and what would happen if the boat capsized and I was too tired to swim back? When we moved here, I got accepted into a special Drama school, from there maybe I could fulfill my dream of becoming a famous actress. But I had to drop out. The long bus ride took to much out of my. My grades were slipping in my academic classes, and I was too tired to memorize lines, rehearse scenes and practice miming. This guy I'm friends with called me before he went to a statewide graduation party at Disney World and he sent me his beautiful invite to his graduation ceremony and a senior class picture with him dressed beautifully in a suit. And it occurred to me, that I'm never going to graduate like that. I'll probably get my GED because I'm in home-schooling, and usually to sick to get any work done. That's my life. My wonderful brain and healthy body are wasted with no exercise and only bad TV all day. It's not what I planned. And there are so many nights I can't sleep because I hurt so bad. I feel like there is a bomb exploding in my head and when I cry it only gets worse. I'm always hot and uncomfortable. Little things like going on walks or eating with silverware makes my joints sore and I'll get so upset because none of my friends have to soak their hands and and put a wash-cloth on their head to make the pain dull. And there are SO MANY more people like me, some who never get well. Hopefully now, you're a little more aware to what living with CFS is like
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