I went shopping at the mall today for Christmas. It was wonderful! Putting aside my poor health, my fight with my mother and all the bad, I drifted into the holiday masses and pretended I was like everybody else.
Only I'm sure I enjoyed it more than anyone else there. Everybody was beautiful. I forgot how much fun it was to see petite teeny-boppers decked out for a shopping spree. The bright make-up, big hair and flashy clothes hiding the uncomfortable smile, asking to be liked and trying so desperatly to fit in. Their perfulme will be remembered long after they will. Cloying, but a dime a dozen, kind of like them. I wondered how long until they grew up. And I I hoped they enjoyed their life now, soon it will drift away.
I forgot about boys too. Their lanky jeans, their baggy shirts. I forgot how they hide the lines of their body in huge clothes. I haven't kept up with the styles, a little more prep, a bit more jewlery and a lot more attitiude.
The smells were intoxicating! The smell of plastic from the new shipment of toys, the thick, rich scents coming from department stores as elderly women spray themselves, hoping to find something. The smell of money, being unearthed from pocketbooks in exchange for presents to make others smile. And, who could forget the medly of scents coming from the foodcourt.
But the most enticing, I think is simply the smell of people! The sweet, milky scent of babies and the cotten-candy aura from the young girls adorned with glitter and Disney Store shampoo. The sexy, musky smell coming from guys as they strut through stores, appearing to be above it all.
And for, glorious moments, I thought maybe I was beautiful, and happy and OK, like all of them. And I reveled in the warmth of that thought.
Then I saw the Mall Queen. You know who I mean. The girl 17-22, perfect body, clothes you would kill for, the walk that many have tried and few could match. She has those dark, mysterious eyes that "make you think the wrong thing" and yet moves with such dinity and class you are sure she is still perfection.
You always see them and you wish to be them.
It reminded me that I'm not healthy and lovely and OK. But everyday I feel I'm getting closer.
Hey, I'm trying!!
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