I got this idea from Bek Oberin who wrote the fantasic original "Letter to Normals" mine pales in comparision, but check it out anyway Original Letter (by:Bek Oberin) I'm sorry.
I am, really. I'm sorry down to my core. I'll sit around and think of how much better your life would be if I wasn't such a burden.
Don't think I don't see. Just because I can't focus enough to read, or even watch TV doesn't mean I am blind.
I'm sorry that sometimes after you call me you walk away from the phone feeling sad and full of worry for me. I'm sorry that after our weekly conversations you might be dreading next weeks call. I'm sorry I can't be the friend I once was, I'm sorry that since I'm sick I can't keep our clique as strong as it once was and I'm sorry that because I'm sick I can't always stomach your problems.
I'm sorry that you can no longer count on me for intelligent conversation. I'm sorry that my memory slips and I tell stories over and over. I'm sorry that because I can't read I start too many sentences with "I saw that funny thing on TV. . ." or even "In this comic. . ." I'm sorry that when we read books together you finish weeks before I do. I'm sorry that you are so wonderful and send me books that I'll never be able to read.
I'm sorry you can't sleep from worry about me. I'm sorry you fight about money because my doctors bills are so high. I'm sorry I can't talk to you like I once could because silly as it is, I want to keep you from my pain. I'm sorry I can't make you laugh with stories about my day. I'm sorry you wanted to give me everything and you can't make me well.
I'm sorry that you can't always go places because I'm too sick to to come along. I'm sorry that most days I'm too sick to meet your friends, even though I know you brag about me at school. I'm sorry that we both hoped that by now I could pick you up from school, and the best I can do is ride along to the bus stop.
I'm sorry because I feel like I no longer deserve you.
But, You know what, you should be sorry, too.
You should be sorry because you can't look outside yourself long enough too understand that I can't be who I once was! You should be sorry that you can't listen to me talk about Chronic Fatigue Syndrome without your voice getting high and fake and your thoughts drifting. You should be sorry that even though I can't be the strong one you refuse to be. You should be sorry that even though I can be a lousy friend you don't initiate correspondence, you depend on me. You should be sorry because I don't have a life and yet you weigh me against those who do.
You should be sorry because you never asked me what Chronic Fatigue Syndrome symptoms include. And you don't know that lack of intelligent conversation might as well be a symptom because of the brain fogginess and it's something I can't fix. You should be sorry because you ask me how I'm doing in an 'I don't care' tone and then you believe me and use it against me when I sigh and say I'm fine because you want to.
You should be sorry because you drag me to doctors I don't want to see and then get upset that we don't have money. You should be sorry because you never tried to find something to do with me when I didn't turn out as you wanted. You should be sorry because you never listened long enough to find out I don't want pity!
You should be sorry because you never listened to me! You should be sorry because you asked me how I was and when I didn't give the right answer you told me how I felt! You should be sorry because you count my problems and measure them against yours when nothing like this happened to you! And you never bothered to understand me in the first place. You should be sorry because you only see what you want to see then criticize me based on your twisted views.
I'm sorry I'm not as good as I could be, should be. I'm sorry I don't always try as hard as I should have. And I'm sorry for all the ways I let you down because I have Chronic Fatigue Syndrome.
You should be sorry because you never saw that I wanted with all my heart to be healthy and good and happy like you. You should be sorry because my being sick scared you and you let me down completely. You should be sorry because you never though to try.
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